You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Randomize
