I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
