don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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