So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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