I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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