so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
