I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
