What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
