lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
