Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Randomize
