good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Randomize
