Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
