I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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