He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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