so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
