ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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