Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
