Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
