I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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