I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
