A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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