I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
