a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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