She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
