Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
