I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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