just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
