Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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