We're facebook friends in real life
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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