I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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