we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
