this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
