After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
