Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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