Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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