Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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