so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Too much gin, very little bucket
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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