I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
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I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize