Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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