he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
