Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
