He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
