so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
