I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
