Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
