YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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