You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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