My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
