i think i have two assholes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
