There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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