He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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