Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
