I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
