i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
