Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
