i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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