Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
