I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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