So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
