she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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