How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Randomize
