guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
