I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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