He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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