Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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