Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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