He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
