I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
