dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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