I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
