Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
