I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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