he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
