if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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