i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
