Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
