He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
